I don’t know if my sister is posting this anywhere, and frankly it’s too late to call anyone right now so I’m reprinting her email without permission. (If I didn’t think it would be okay, I wouldn’t do it.) It was an email directed to her whole entire professional email list. Professional meaning everyone that has had a class or cranial sacral therapy from her.

KIDS AND STRESS

Do our children experience stress? The answer seems obvious. Of course they do. The next question is, though, harder to evaluate. Do our children know how to deal with stress? What are we doing to teach them coping skills?

First, stress is not an emotion. Stress is a symptom – the RESULT of emotions that are not resolved. So we cannot “fix” stress. We CAN work with the emotions. That’s a very important distinction to make. Remember – separate the “situation” from the “feelings.” Don’t worry about solving the situation right now – resolve the feelings.
Say that Suzy is frustrated because she isn’t able to figure out her homework problems. She is LOUDLY frustrated (you can visualize, I’m sure). Let’s make it even tougher. Let’s pretend that Suzy has dyslexia (I have two children who do), and that in reality the homework really IS hard for her. Yet you know that somehow it must get done, or she will be behind.

So – if we work with emotions, what do we do? Do we simply hold her, express our love and support to her, and tell her that you will help her do it? This is tricky. Yes, we do want her to feel loved and supported. However, if we are fairly certain that she knows that we love and support her, and that we have helped and supported her with homework many times, then it really wouldn’t help her much to simply express support. What we need to do is give her tools.
Do we have to spend a lot of time analyzing, figuring out exactly what she feels, understanding? Not necessarily. Energy is quick. Thoughts and feelings are energy. But remember, energy is quick.

We can immediately say, “Suzy, what specifically are you feeling?” She may or may not have an answer. That’s okay. You’re just trying to build awareness in Suzy’s mind that there IS a specific word for what she is feeling, even if she doesn’t know what it is. This is important, because it tells the child that we are dealing with a TANGIBLE thing, a REAL emotion, and that it’s not just imaginary. It’s also okay to feel it. So listen if she says, “I’m feeling mad.” If, however, she simply spouts off about the terrible situation, be sure and bring her back to the principle – “Well, Suzy, that’s the situation, but right now we’re just going to work with the feelings.”

Don’t worry if she doesn’t understand any of that, or if you really don’t get any feelings. You have to do this many times for them to understand, but they will get it. The important thing is for them to know that there are real ways to deal with their situations and feelings.

Once you know that the child knows you are trying to understand, it’s time to help the energy shift. You can say, “Suzy, I know that you don’t really want to feel miserable and angry and you don’t really want to bethrowing things around. Let’s change the energy so that you can deal with the homework. You need to be able to think clearly before I can even help you with the homework. Then use a technique to shift the energy.

One of the simplest with very little children is simply to have them visualize with you. This is how I would say it.

“Suzy, imagine a balloon. Let’s put all the negative energy and feelings you are feeling right now into it. Let’s fill it with the frustration, the anxiety, the anger….etc. (You are actually pantomiming this whole thing – gathering energy into your hands, pushing it into the balloon as you are blowing it up, etc.). The balloon is getting big, isn’t it? It’s amazing that it isn’t popping. It’s SO big! There! Do we have all of it yet? Are we missing any mads? Any sads? Let’s get it all. Stuff it in. Tie it shut. Now what will we do with it? We want it to go away and be released so that we can fill ourselves up with good energy. Let’s send it out the window. Open the window. Then push the balloon out. Oh – it’s going to high in the sky! Look! It’s just about disappeared! Now it’s gone! Good! We don’t want those things with us any more, that’s for sure.
“Now let’s look. There’s a big hole where all those mads and frustrateds were. We don’t want that – so let’s fill it! Let’s fill it with peace. Let’s put in there some happy feelings, some glad feelngs, some smart feelings, some joyful feelings. Let’s fill the holes! Now, it’s done!

“NOW we can work on your homework! Can I help you, or can we figure out a way to make it easier so that you can understand it? NOW it’s just homework, not a mean, bad, hurtful thing! Your homework is something that we can work with! Let’s do it now.”

Little children are easily caught up in this analogy. They like it, and it shifts the energy for them. It doesn’t matter if they think you are silly or not. My children literally roll their eyes. Once or twice I’ve had a child tell me not to do the “energy thing” when their friends are over. I just roll my eyes back at them and say, “But does it work?” They say, “Mom! They won’t get it.” I just look at them and say, “Okay, but when you can tell the difference, and when they need that kind of energy shift, you know how to help them!”
There are many other techniques, but this is my favorite because it does bring out the silly, creative side. I like that. It teaches us (myself included) that energy is real, that energy matters, and that energy is simple. We don’t have to be miserable to switch the energy. You do NOT have to push the darkness out. Just flip the switch. It works.