Recently, my sister sent me a copy of an email she sent out to a group of people that had taken her class at a symposium. I wanted to share it here in its entirety because she is so good at teaching the principles of good mental health. Here it is:
When the Americans went to liberate a concentration camp, they found skeletons of men. It was a horrifying, dark scene. However, there was one prisoner who looked much better than the rest. He was also very outgoing, very positive, very friendly, and, since he spoke several languages, very important to the Americans, he became the translator. The rest of the prisoners all looked to him and earnestly loved him. He was of invaluable aid to the Americans in the processing of all the prisoners. The American soldiers assumed that he had been in the concentration camp for just a short time. However, one day they found his records. He had been there longer than most of the other prisoners. They were amazed, and one American asked him how he was put in the concentration camp. By this time he had been given the nickname of “Wild Bill Cody.”
Wild Bill Cody replied that one day the Nazis took his entire family outside of their house and shot them at point blank range, but they didn’t shoot him. He said that right then he had the realization that he could spend the rest of his life hating them, or he could forgive them. He chose forgiveness, right at that moment, and he said that was why he hadn’t suffered like the others.
It’s a wonderful, true story. I think of the courage that took – the devotion to principle – and of the determination to re-make that forgiveness each day. However, there is also one thing more – when he was at that singular poignant moment of his life, he recognized his emotions! He was able to interpret them correctly and know that HE had the right and responsibility to choose. We may think that we all know that – surely we all know about forgiveness and the need to forgive. However, a few years ago I had a situation occur where it was difficult to choose forgiveness. At that time, I knew that if I had not “practiced” emotions, been “in touch” with them, and KNEW the power of “flipping a negative emotion into a positive,” I would never have been able to forgive, at least not right then.
Can a child immediately reach a point of “forgive or not forgive” moment in life and choose forgiveness if they have never “practiced on the small stuff” like being frustrated at a sibling, being teased a little, or something like that? Will they even understand why it is important to forgive if they haven’t experienced the peace that comes from changing negative emotions to positive? I don’t know that it would be as easy.
One other thing – and sorry this is so long.
As I was teaching the class at convention, an understanding hit me about something in my life. Because of its personal nature, and the time constraints there, I could not share it, and it happened to my conscious awareness as I was teaching something else.
However, I will share it now. I mentioned in the class how during my jr. high and high school years a boy teased me incessantly and pointed fingers at me – and consequently I began to hunch over in a misguided attempt to not be noticed. Children often do things like that. Anyway, I never told my parents about this boy teasing me. I’ve often pondered that over the years. Without question my parents would have stopped that teasing immediately. Without question I knew my parents loved me. And, surprisingly enough, I talked to them about ALL my emotions, and my fears, my dreams, etc. I was not hesitant to talk to them at all. But why didn’t I mention the teasing? Surely, since it went on for five years, that would have been important.
In that millisecond of revelation right there during the convention, I realized with shock that the reason I never told my parents is that I simply did not realize two things. Number one, I didn’t realize that the teasing was causing me to hunch over. (That is a principle too – in books on emotions, and in the book I am currently publishing, that we actually do lodge emotions in our bodies.) But number two, I didn’t realize that I was experiencing emotions! I simply did not realize that his teasing made me feel inadequate, ugly, etc. I NEVER connected with my own emotions. How weird is that! Certainly you would have expected me to, right?
But – teenagers DO NOT usually connect with their emotions! My parents were great parents – but I had never been consciously taught to look for my emotions. I had not been consciously taught to look at the “fruits of my experiences in life” and examine whether they were negative or positive and think about what I believed or felt in relation to that. Without a doubt, I understood in that instant that THIS is why I teach – because if I HAD been taught those principles, my entire life experience might have been different.
That is not to say that teenagers don’t THINK they connect to emotions, but in talking with them, I really do believe that many times what they think are emotions are really misguided attempts at obtaining what they need, but don’t know they need. They are feeling a subset of a belief about themselves that most of the time doesn’t even reflect what they really want to believe at a core level. When it is peaceful and quiet and they learn to tune in to their own emotions, they are really shocked and surprised to find that it is so easy, and so different from what they have been feeling. Because I have counseled with so many adults who experienced trauma as a child or teenager, I realize that this is a huge problem for them too. Amazingly enough, though, as soon as a person is taught to tune in to their emotions, figure out what they are, and accept them and decide if they are negative or positive, their whole lives change. Trauma of great magnitude is healed very, very quickly. It is indeed almost as quick as just turning on the light switch instead of having to go in and push the darkness out of the room first.
Sorry this is so long, but I am so passionate because I believe it is more than important – it is essential!
